THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
