I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
