So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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