I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
