Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
