I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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