So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
