come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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