Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
