i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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