we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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