stop calling my apartment porn island.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
