the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
