dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
