can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
