I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
