Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
