I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
