probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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