You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
