just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
