Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize