I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
