She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
