If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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