It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
