She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
