bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
