The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
