Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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