he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
