He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
