the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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