I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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