I'm really into asian looking animals
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
