I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
