Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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