I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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