I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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