but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
