I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
