So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
