I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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