we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
