i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
