accomplished twins. life is a go
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
