Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
