Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize