You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
