Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
