you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
