Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
