as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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