So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im holly from the hills drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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