toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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