Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
