this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
