i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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