It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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