So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
