i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
