he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
