i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
