i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
