You made me cry and you don't even care
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
