i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
