Your face is a jimmy john
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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