Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
