Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
