i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
