I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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