she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
