yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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