Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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