i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize