11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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