Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
