Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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