Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize