We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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